Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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