I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
