best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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