You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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