i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
