just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
