Who did Billy Mays play for?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
