sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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