I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
