I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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