So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
