You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize