OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
