she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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