He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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