We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
