My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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