And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
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You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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