After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
