I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
