just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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