For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
