that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
