Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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