Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
