six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
