I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
