There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i drank out of a bidet.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
