you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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