if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am one with the molecules
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
