genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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