Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
