Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
