It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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