I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
