So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
