my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
