I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
