You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
