Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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