I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
