i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
