wat bout pragnant strippers??
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
