hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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