Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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