I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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