Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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