I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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