He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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