No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
