i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
