I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
