I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
