it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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