I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
pray to the hookup gods
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