I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
