I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
