meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
