Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
