guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
