yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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