how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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