So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
do herpes really smell.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
