you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
