my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
