does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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