if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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